RANSVESTIA

day. Besides, my colleagues and I had little in common. I was waiting and longing for the day when my two year apprenticeship would be fin- ished and I would be accepted by my father into his company. I adored my father, no matter how much he shrank from me whenever I tried to show him my affection. He was very proud and fond of my older sister who was exceptionally beautiful and he had begun to spoil her by tak- ing her along together with my mother when they went out for a meal in a fashionable restaurant. He also liked to joke with my younger sister. I can't remember ever having consciously resented his attitude. Apparently I must have taken it for granted, thinking this was the way boys were normally treated, and to expect and accept it.

I had, at the time, a very close affinity to my mother who thought she understood me better than anyone else in the world. Later on, when I had learned to know better, I didn't have the heart to destroy her illu- sion.

Unfortunately, when my two years of apprenticeship were over, my father's company went bankrupt and into liquidation. It shattered my dream and my last hope to follow in my father's footsteps. Strangely enough, I was not heart broken. I just carried on working in the other firm, being bored stiff for the next eight years during which I had to use most of my salary to contribute to our household since my father was no longer able to support either my mother nor my younger sister who was still at school.

My father had moved away from our home town, trying to build up some new existence but somehow failed, both financially as well as in other respects. My parents became estranged and were finally divorced. I was twenty-one at the time. It was all done in a very civilized way, there was no unpleasantness or hatred, and we all kept in contact with father, except that we lived with my mother.

Owing to the circumstances, I had very little money to spend on my- self. I could not afford a girl friend although at the time, because of the economic depression, it was quite acceptable for a girl to pay for her- self when taken out. I hardly had enough to pay for myself.

Since I liked dressing as a girl, I found this a much cheaper and easier way to enjoy myself. Some of my sister's dresses and garments fitted me reasonably well. The opportunities were few and far between, but I was always grateful for small mercies when they occurred. We lived at the

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